It’s mid-December. How the hell did that happen? I couldn’t believe Thanksgiving, as late in the month as it was, got here so quickly. Now Christmas is just around the corner. Many people have issues during the Holiday Season. I don’t. I have issues when they end.
Ever since I have been a young adult, I have always dreaded the first week of January. Not because I had made a boatload of resolutions, because I usually hadn’t. Not because I had gained a bunch of weight, because I usually hadn’t. Not because I had to return to work after many days of vacation, because I usually didn’t. Not because I had missed a slug of workouts, because I usually hadn’t. Not because I would miss holiday music or Hallmark holiday movies, because I knew I wouldn’t. So what gives? Why the dread?
I think it has always related mainly to, sorry Billy Joel, my New Year’s State of Mind. I live my life in a very orderly rut, a rut that I flow through without lots of thought. That is not to say that I do not make changes in my life. I change, but I change the way glaciers used to change before global warming, very slowly and very subtly. And those changes are not marked by the calendar. They are marked by need. Generally, this has worked out very well for me, and I have made significant changes over a long period of time. But there is something about the first week of January, all fresh and new, that just makes wonder if I need to pop out of my rut and press reset. It is this wondering, or maybe more accurately any FOMO, occurring as, sorry Andy Williams, The Most Wonderful Time of the Year draws to a close, that causes me to dread the first week of January.
Ironically, this year is different. There is no dread in my head. There is no wondering. I have pressed reset.
Over the past several months I have been dwelling on the most asked of questions: “What do I want to do with my life?” At 66, well almost 67, I should have made those decisions already. And to a large extent I have. But, as I wrote about earlier this year, the specter of a rapidly diminishing quantity of quality time remaining has been causing me to assess just how I want to spend my next chunk of quality time.
After much thought, I have decided to continue to spend major portions of my life doing exactly what I am currently doing. I am really fortunate, as I am, sorry Tim McGraw, generally Living Like I am Dying. But I have decided, despite how much I enjoy my work, to change how I work, to change with whom I work, and to change how much time I spend working.
For good or bad I am not ready to retire. So instead, I have decided that at almost 67 it is time for me to become an entrepreneur again, something I have not been since 2004. For the past four months I have been laying the groundwork to start my own consulting entity. I would have preferred to transition to it earlier in the year, but I had to finish several projects in which I played a key role, forcing me to live in my current rut for longer than I should have.
That’s the bad news. The good news is that, sorry Carly Simon, my Anticipation about starting anew in January has put a damper on my dread. In fact, there is no dread. Just the opposite. I feel more alive and excited about the future than I have in years. I cannot think of any better way to defer retirement. Or any better way to spend my time.
As far as I am concerned, the first week of January cannot arrive soon enough. I can only hope that by the time next year ends I will be firmly ensconced in my new rut and dreading the first week of January yet again.